Two things that are true about me: 1. I love music and 2. I tend to doubt most things that people tell me. These two things are generally unrelated but did come tragically to a head one day last year when I decided to get my car washed. As I approached the front of the line, the attendant motioned for me to lower my antenna. I rolled down my window and explained to him that the power feature of the antenna had long since stopped working and that I would prefer to just leave it up if it was all the same to him. He told me that the spray was pretty powerful and that if I chose to leave it up I would be doing so at my own risk. I told him that it was a risk I was willing to take. He raised his shaggy eyebrow at me, I scoffed at him and the conveyor belt carried me away into what turned out to essentially be Hurricane Hugo in a concrete box.
As I exited, popping my ears and drying my hair (yes, all of my windows were closed tightly), I looked in my rear-view mirror. There was no sign of my antenna. I looked in my side-view mirror. Oh, there it was! Damn… As I drove home I decided that radio-use was overrated anyway. It’s all homogenized crap. And besides, I have this conveniently-located, mid-90s 6-CD changer mounted in my trunk! Radio schmadio!
And this attitude has pretty much held until today, when I got into the car for a 90-minute drive and my CD player started flashing an error message. What? Maybe it’s just this disc. Nope. All of them? With a sleeping child and 88 miles to go, I decided to try my luck with the radio. I was able to get one station. It was called, “Praise 106.5”. Now, I am quite open to faiths of all kinds. And when people ask me, “What kind of music do you like?” I usually say, “Oh, I like a little bit of everything.” Well, it turns out this isn’t true. It turns out, when it comes to music, I am decidedly, unequivocally, 100% pagan. For one thing, I imagine that every Christian singer looks exactly like John Tesh. Even the female ones. Also, all that talk of being “lifted up” and being “taken higher” frankly just brings me down. And sort of makes me wish I was high. And I don’t even do drugs.
So, the moral of this story is a twofer. First of all, when you’re at the car wash, don’t get all crazy and act like you know what’s best for your antenna. You probably don’t. Try to remember this: WWTCWAD? OR: What Would The Car Wash Attendant Do? Depending upon your circumstances you may be able to apply this in other parts of your daily life as well. Secondly, Christian music can and probably will lead to drug use. It should be used sparingly and with adult supervision. But I am not willing to be that adult. No, siree. So, if you have an extra ticket to the Dove Awards next year, don’t ask me. I’m not your girl. Unless you have some really good weed. No, not even then…
oh my word you are funny, girl!
As are YOU!
O.K., this really DID make me laugh out loud! And I would pay to see you driving 88 miles listening to Jesus music.
I decided after about 3 tunes that silence is golden…
uh, CMAs are the country music awards. but i digress.
Ahem…While the Dove awards are better known in the Christian community, there are ALSO CMA’s for the Jesus Jammers… http://www.cmusicawards.org/ There is just too much good stuff for only ONE awards show!
Hi! Stopping in from SITS for the Saturday Sharefest. Love the post and also don’t really care for the music!
Sorry you lost your antenna.
And didn’t like the music.
Happy SITS Sharefest!
Sweet dreams.
Happy SITS Sharefest!
This had me laughing! I had a 90 ford probe back in the day with a busted antenna and cd changer in the trunk…Ahhh the memories.
[…] And how about one slightly irreverent one for good measure? Warning: If you love Christian music, this may not be the post for you… WWTCWAD […]
Is that really John Tesh?!
Awesome.
Yeah, nocando on the Christian music.
HOLY CRAPSICKLES! If Christian music does THAT to your hair….
Happy SITS day!
I don’t listen to Christian radio, nor do I let my friends do so! When my ardently Christian friends ask me why, I tell them that i played music long enough to know appreciate good music, and …. well you can guess the end of the conversation. To parapharse an early Christian mystic, most Christian radio pop stuff is Crap. However…. I love good stuff, especially from the Vineyard Worship Group. Just never turn on the radio to said pop Christian stuff. Important disclaimer: I work with missionaries in a foreign, third-world country where my piety is suspect, but my faith is real.
This is the funniest post I’ve read in a long time! I love it! If you ever feel inspired to write a “Dear Cellulite” letter, please send it on over and I will feature it as a guest post at the Cellulite Investigation. Think of it as a writing challenge, a publicity opp, and a form of therapy for tackling the dreaded blight (if you are so afflicted) all in one. You can read more at the “Dear Cellulite” tab on the site. Hope to hear from you!
haha this is too funny! (I’m not Christian – Jewish girl here – so I don’t have any conflicts which might be why I find this so funny — I had a college roommate who was the daughter of a minister… and a BIG fan of John Tesh/singers that I also imagine look like/are John Tesh!)
Ok, I have to admit I do listen to Christian pop. I love Casting Crowns (saw them in concert a few months ago) & Natalie Grant. But I also love country – Toby Keith, Trace Adkins and rock – Aerosmith and a lot of the oldies & I love some good Beethoven & Mozart…so I can pretty much fit in anywhere.
Happy SITS Day! (I think my antenna is usually up when I go through the car wash.)
This post is funny if you like Christian music or not.
Yeah, Christian music has gone over to the dark “pop, girly, emo” side. One should stick to Martin Luther’s A Mighty Fortress is Our God…
Stopping in from SITS and laughing like crazy! This is great!
Stopping from SITS and this post made me laugh! Last week a friend of mine invited me and the kiddies to the roller skating rink. Her church had sponsored the event. Not putting two and two together . . . I decided to take the kiddies. I even bragged to hubs how I was going to boogie down on my skates to some fun Lady Gaga, just like I did back in the eighties. He teased that he would go get me some pom poms for my skates and a comb for my back pocket. So, off I went to the rink with the kiddies in tow ready to get my groove on until I walked in the down and heard it. Christian rock. It’s just not the same to be bop to Amazing Grace as it is to the Black Eyed Peas. Just sayin’. Thanks for letting this god-loving girl know that it is OK not to like Christian music. 🙂
stopping by from SITS – happy SITS day. Love this post. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
Hilarious! I’m adding you to my favorites!
wow. how ironic, how typical, how sad that the only radio station you get is a christian one. that stuff’s like cockroaches.
Stopping by from SITS. In my previous car, the CD would always get stuck. It’d be stuck for weeks.. and it always happened during a road trip. Nickelback got old really fast.
What about those of us who were never equipped with a power antenna? What, no warning label?
From SITS. I am a youngish pastor’s wife who (dare I say it) doesn’t care for Christian radio! Give me some 80’s-90’s, hard rock, anything!
Crack me up!
Yes, growing up my mom ALWAYS listened to Christian radio…It drove my brothers and I bonkers!
I think that is why (even though I am a Christian) I will NEVER subject my children to that!
Let them blame someone else for their crazies. LOL
I’m going to have nightmares from that photo of JTesh. And Christian mysic makes me want to poke my eyeballs and eardrums out with hot pokers. Oh, and I’m a Mary B too. Now I’m Mary BG, after I pulled an 80’s maneuver and hyphenated my name, but I’m a Mary B at heart. Cheers!
If I was faced with 88 miles of Christian rock I think I would have pulled into any auto repair place and begged them to install a new antenna. I couldn’t handle it.
You crack me up. Just stopping by from SITS and now getting a good laugh.
I had to read this one of course! We have a stretch of drive to get to Los Angeles form where I live and the only music you get on it is Christian or latin…for 200 miles…my CD player broke, my ipod converter thing didn’t work… and I turned around to find a store to buy a a new ipod thingy…there was no way I could do it for 200 miles.
i live in the rocky mtns so not too many radio stations. one of the 4 is christian.
kluv= krap