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Posts Tagged ‘Fashion’

Today is a school holiday.  I had forgotten about this until we decided to go out for breakfast and I noticed that every table had a school-aged kid or two at it.  Well, almost every table.  One table had an older couple who seemed pretty darn irritated by all of the youthful exuberance.  It reminded me of my early days of traveling with an infant.  And then of my more recent days of traveling with a toddler.  And of my current life of traveling with a preschooler.  For some reason I always get stuck sitting next to the jerky business traveler.  Over breakfast I started thinking that it would be nice to have a t-shirt for my daughter to wear to lighten the mood on our next airplane trip.  So I decided to design one!

Traveling SucksWe might still get stuck next to the gaseous, self-important baby-hater but next time my kid will have a cute shirt to spill her apple juice on.

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Laugh if you will but my daughter and I have matching bathrobes.  The fabric is soft, fluffy, and as cozy as can be on chilly mornings.  It also hugs every single bump, lump and curve of our respective bodies.  Somehow or another this looks quite a bit more charming and adorable on her than it does on me

Barefoot Dreams Bathrobe

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I just turned 34 and decided to treat myself to a haircut for my birthday.  While I was sitting in the chair I noticed that I have way more grey hair than I had previously thought.  Way more.  Since I don’t really want to get involved in a long-term coloring plan at this point in my life (and I’m still a little traumatized by that asshole at Gene Juarez who talked me into a red “Rachel” cut in 1995) I have decided to reexamine my options in terms of accessorizing.

In light of the fact that my head is so huge that I actually have wondered if I was born with a birth defect that my mother has chosen to keep secret, I generally don’t wear hats.  They don’t fit and they don’t flatter.  So I’m thinking about delving back into the world of the silk head scarf.  The scarf and I had a brief affair when I was in my 20s but I think I was too young to pull it off.  I am ready to try again.

But the question is this:

Will I look glamorous, like Joan Crawford in Sudden Fear?

Sudden Fear

Slightly insane, like Little Edie?

Edie

Or more like this?

dog

On second thought, Miss Clairol may be getting herself a new customer soon.

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How cute is this?!

il_430xN.81201635

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I love these keys!  Partly because they would be easy to identify in my huge, crowded, dark, dingy purse and partly because they look as though they could be used as a makeshift weapon.  How ’bout a pig nose to the temple, Would-Be Attacker?

piggy_key_chrome

Oh, you would prefer an eave?!  No problem!  POW!

house_key_chrome

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Crocadoodle Don’t

IMG_7502Orange Crocs?  With socks?  Child abuse.

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16735938_001_bLast week, my cousin and I stopped by Urban Outfitters to buy a gift.  My cousin is 16, adorable, and looks fantastic in everything.  In other words, she is an Urban Outfitters shopper.  She saves her babysitting money, buys the cute outfits and looks great.  I, on the other hand, had not been inside of UO for years.  Probably not since 1995 or so, when Free People babydoll dresses were in style and girls like me breathed a sigh of relief in finally finding something to wear that was both fashionable and tent-like.  I saved my babysitting money, bought the most tent-like babydoll dress I could find and looked, well, like a much bigger Courtney Love but with Janeane Garofalo’s Reality Bites bangs.  As you can imagine, the reality of that really did bite.  These days, I am not an Urban Outfitters shopper.  And this shopping trip confirmed it.  For one thing, I am plus-sized, zaftig- phat with an f.  In addition to that, I am thrifty, frugal- pour with two o’s.  But putting those facts aside for a moment, I saw something last week at Urban Outfitters that I just can’t seem to get out of my mind.  What I saw shocked me and put the fear of God into me.  It was not natural.  Literally.  It was rayon.  I realize, and even appreciate (sort of), that the 80’s are back.  I know that we all must suffer through them (again) and that this too shall pass but I don’t believe that we, as a people, can sit idly by while rayon makes a comeback.

Rayon and Me:  The Backstory…

Between the years of 1987 and 1989 I was 12-14 years of age and living in Seattle.  My wardrobe consisted of more than a few pieces of rayon.  I can recall a drop-waist (so flattering…), navy blue dress, a pair of high-waisted (also fetching), floral shorts, palazzo pants (actually somewhat slimming but very Bea Arthur-esque for a 13-year old), and a few other pieces I don’t care to mention.  I also had an unusual number of rayon hair scrunchies.  In short, there was a lot of rayon in my life.  I don’t know what 12-14 year-olds are up to these days (and from the looks of the Dateline and 20/20 exposés I see on the topic, I’m not sure I want to know…) but I rode the bus and/or walked a lot.  And in Seattle this meant getting caught in the rain a lot.  Have you ever seen wet rayon?  It becomes somewhat stiff, strangely cold and then dries in a manner not unlike papier-mâché.  And once wet, it will never return to its original splendor.  Life is hard for a 12-14 year old.  Life gets a little harder for a 12-14 year old when she looks like a papier-mâchéed Golden Girl.

So, fine.  Let’s bring back the 80’s.  Hell, nostalgia is fun.  But can we all agree to leave the rayon back in 1989 where it belongs-with Hypercolor t-shirts and Rob Lowe’s underage porn video?  f6_1_sbl_633_1

This is not me.

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