I’m cheap. I’m poor. I love a bargain. While many people throw their Tuesday junk mail, full of supermarket Weekly Special ads, into the recycling without a second thought, I scour the said “junk mail” to plan my upcoming grocery shopping needs. It was there that I learned of the “10 pounds for $10” sale on organic peaches that QFC promised would begin the following day. I arrived at the store prior to 8am on Wednesday in order to get the very best selection of peaches. Apparently there was not an overwhelming demand. Not only was I not battling throngs of peach-shoppers in the parking lot but when I arrived at the produce section the peaches were not yet on display. I had to track down the tousle-haired manager, who appeared to have been napping, and ask for them. My daughter and I wandered around, looking at what was new in the world of dairy-free cheeses (frankly, not much) until he finally reappeared from behind his plastic curtain, peaches in tow. He yawned, looking genuinely irritated, as he unpacked the first box of peaches and arranged them on the stand. Timbuk3’s, “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” played over the in-store audio system. While I do find this song to be one of the very worst of the 1980s (with the possible exception of every song ZZ Top wrote during that decade) I did see some humor in the situation. He did not. I gave him a smile, loaded up my bags with delicious, pesticide-free goodness and went on my way.
That evening my daughter and I went to the Farmers Market to stock up on berries for one last jam-making hurrah before summer’s end. As I arrived at the market, with Timbuk3 still a most unwelcome twosome in my mind, I spotted a sign: “ORGANIC PEACHES! $15/20# BOX!” Well, I’ll be. Sometimes the early bird gets the shaft…
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Gee, this Açaí Berry sure does sound like a miracle food, doesn’t it? A “superfood”, if you will. From emails to magazines, from Facebook ads to unsolicited texts and Skype chats, news of Açaí’s health benefits are everywhere I turn. And there does seem to be some real science backing up the health claims. But let me tell you something: When a fruit is being peddled in the same manner as a penis-enlarging device, a “barely legal” chat line or Canadian Viagra, I’m not buying. So, to all of you Açaí pushers out there: Please take me off of your list. I’ll be sticking with blueberries for my phytonutrient needs until Açaí is available for purchase in a way that does not make me feel as though I’m buying porn. Thanks for your understanding.
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It seems that everywhere I go this Summer I see signs for “Personal Watermelons”. Is this a new variety or have I just not been paying attention? Does this not sound stupid to anybody else? Does it not conjure images of somebody sitting all alone at the family picnic, unwilling to share their melon with anybody else, spitting seeds at those who dare to get too close to their precious fruit? “It’s mine! All MINE!” It’s an effing watermelon. And I imagine that there is some perfectly lovely name for the variety. Or is this all a part of the grand downsizing of America? Slap a new name on it and charge the same price? Hopefully it’s just a fad. Are there fads in the world of fruit? Maybe next year the economy will be booming and there will be strawberries so big that families of 6 will eat for a week off of one (Never you mind the genetic modifications that would be needed to produce such a berry…). Personal Watermelons will be rotting on the vine as people march out, triumphantly, heads held high, to enjoy their fruit in the light of day. All are welcome! Bring a fork!
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