Posted in But Enough About Me. Let's Talk About You., Karma Police, Sweet Child O' Mine, tagged Aging, Children, Grey Hair, Hair Color, Kids, Motherhood, Mothers, Preschool on September 19, 2009|
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I went to the local community center yesterday to sign my daughter up for a preschool program. A much-coveted spot had finally opened up and I was more than excited to take it. I had called in advance and they were expecting me. A young man of about 20 greeted me at the front desk, shook my hand and said, “You must be Miss Mary!” Um, alrighty… He showed me around and explained the procedures (yes on sunscreen-application assistance, no on butt-wiping assistance) and handed me some forms to fill out. While I was perusing said forms I heard the young man speaking. He was asking somebody a question about the center’s Teen Program. It took me a moment to realize that he was speaking to me. He was asking me if I might have any older children who would be interested in participating in the Teen Program. Pardon me? I finished filling out the forms and placed them gingerly on the counter (as opposed to gingerly up his ass) and hit the bricks.
Then I headed to the drugstore to pick up a box of Nice ‘N Easy with “100% gray coverage”. Mother of a teenager? In your dreams, punk.
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I just turned 34 and decided to treat myself to a haircut for my birthday. While I was sitting in the chair I noticed that I have way more grey hair than I had previously thought. Way more. Since I don’t really want to get involved in a long-term coloring plan at this point in my life (and I’m still a little traumatized by that asshole at Gene Juarez who talked me into a red “Rachel” cut in 1995) I have decided to reexamine my options in terms of accessorizing.
In light of the fact that my head is so huge that I actually have wondered if I was born with a birth defect that my mother has chosen to keep secret, I generally don’t wear hats. They don’t fit and they don’t flatter. So I’m thinking about delving back into the world of the silk head scarf. The scarf and I had a brief affair when I was in my 20s but I think I was too young to pull it off. I am ready to try again.
But the question is this:
Will I look glamorous, like Joan Crawford in Sudden Fear?
Slightly insane, like Little Edie?
Or more like this?
On second thought, Miss Clairol may be getting herself a new customer soon.
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