I would like to announce, right here on my little blog, that I am hereby instituting a trade embargo against Trader Joe’s. In effect, I will no longer be trading my money for their increasingly questionable goods. The trouble began last year (although I have a hazy memory of some moldy 7-layer dip in or around 2001) when I bit into a Trader Joe’s bran muffin and found myself receiving an unwanted flossing with a previously unknown hair. I am not saying that the hair was necessarily of pubic origin but I am saying that the hair was shorter and curlier than I am accustomed to seeing atop any head that doesn’t belong to Tom Jones. Because I like to make the same mistake repeatedly, I returned to the scene of the crime last month after finding that the price of frozen, organic fruit at Whole Foods is nearly double that of Trader Joe’s fruit. While in the frozen foods aisle, I also picked up a few individual servings of mac and cheese. Because who doesn’t love mac and cheese? Nobody! Oh, wait… I no longer do, since biting into yet another unwanted hair courtesy of Joe and his hairy traders. Thankfully (?!) this one was quite long. When I told my brother this story, he countered with his own hairy escapade from the TJ’s frozen foods aisle. He found a hair in a frozen, chocolate-covered banana. Gross. Really, really gross. True, Trader Joe’s may have great prices but I think that I’ve uncovered their secret to keeping prices so low. I feel it’s highly likely that their Monrovia production lines are staffed by naked, underage slave-apes who are suffering from alopecia. In fact, I’d like to challenge you to prove otherwise.
I have other complaints against Trader Joe’s but I won’t list them all here. Well, maybe just a few:
1. I feel that they certainly must add extra sulfites and nitrates to their wines. Nothing else could explain the ensuing hangovers.
2. Must they sell their bananas individually? Is it that hard to weigh a bunch of bananas? Maybe they could get their Alopecia Apes to help out.
3. Why the hell are so many of their products made on equipment that also processes tree nuts, soy, eggs, dairy, fish and shellfish?! I mean, really? I want my hummus to be processed on equipment that processes hummus. And maybe tabouli and baba ganoush. But that’s it.
4. The shirts that they force their staff to wear remind me of Nick Nolte’s mug shot photo. This is definitely not a plus.
So, did I return to Trader Joe’s for my $2.99 refund? Of course. I told the whole, awful story to the cashier (frozen banana and all). His reply? “That’s disgusting.” You can say that again, Middle-Aged Man Wearing Board Shorts and a Hawaiian Shirt.
You my friend are hilarious and yes that is disgusting. Glad I don’t shop there anyway!
Thanks, Brenna! And yes, I’m over it, too! Ick.
Call me a blue-blood, a snot, a princess, or just stupid for “wasting” my money at Whole Foods, but I’ve shopped at Trader Joe’s, and there’s no comparison.
Oh, Whole Foods. If I could afford it, I would shop there on a daily basis. But really, Trader Joe’s is no bargain. $1.99 for tortilla chips is no deal when they have the texture of sheet metal.
Well, Whole Foods is no better. Your post is 5 years old, and since then, their price mark up, which I always suspected, has been confirmed. Their food products are just ok and over priced.
You speak the truth, woman! On all accounts.
🙂
Uggh!!! I just had the exact same experience with their sweet sticky rice with mango… And of course I had eaten most of it and was quite pleased until the penultimate bite contained (embedded in the sticky rice) A HAIR that was clearly NOT my own!!! At first I thought it was just a mango fiber and ALMOST ate it without investigating further, but thankfully I yanked on it and almost threw up in my mouth when I realized it was indeed a hair… Its been about a half hour now and I’m still feeling queasy. I called their customer service dept. and the lady told me to return it to the store, which irked me because the only TJs in my area are all at least a half hour away, so why should I take at least an hour (round trip) out of my day to correct their disgusting QA blunder??? She didn’t care for this response one bit, but offered to send me a gift card anyway, which I of course accepted. Upon googling “trader joe’s hair in food” I quickly stumbled upon your blog, and was disheartened to learn that mine was, unfortunately, not an isolated incident. I do love (most) TJs products, but it’s going to be a little bit until I get over this one and redeem that gift card.
Ack! That is horrific! When I found the hair in the muffin, I emailed their customer service people. I got a totally standard reply and was told to return the product. Who the hell keeps hairy food around? With the mac and cheese I didn’t even apologize for not having it in hand. They refunded it without questions but honestly, a gift card would have been nice! I would buy the non-TJs brand almond milk or the Dr. Bronner’s soap or something but I can’t risk any more TJ’s hair. Sorry we’re in the same boat. Truly nasty!
-Mary
Right?!?! Although the CS rep said they take QA issues very seriously, she never once asked me which location I purchased the tainted product from so that leaves me thinking that beyond documenting the issue that nothing will be done on their end. The # I called for their corporate office was 626-599-3700 (customer service is extension 3035) if you feel like you need to take your issues further, although don’t expect a sympathetic ear… I got a hollow apology and borderline snarkiness at my reluctance to go out of my way to return the item (which of course was already in the garbage!), but I did also get the gift card offer so I guess it was worth it. I can’t help but wonder how much the gift card will be for- just the value of the product or a courtesy compensation as well… ??? I’ll take it either way though =)
I used to work with someone who called Trader Joe’s, “Commie Joe’s” because he once bought some moldy muenster there. That was years and years ago but it is what I think of whenever I walk in the store. For the record, I can’t get enough of their frozen gnocchi. I will eat it until I find something not edible in it.
Also…Hi Mary! I’m visiting from the CTT board. Your writing makes me laugh, which I greatly appreciate.
I love Trader Joe’s…but that’s disgusting. May have to rethink my love affair!
I have yet to experience any hair in TJ products. Or maybe I thought they were my own…hmmm….ponder…..nope don’t recall any wayward hairs.
There is a new TJ in Redmond and I have to say I’m in love with the experience, the prices and the food. I might be willing to forgive a little hair too.
I know I’m a slut.
NOOOOOOOOOO! Not TRADER JOE’S!!! That store is THE BOMB! If it weren’t so inconvenient to shop there for me (the store on 14th St. is always a madhouse and I don’t have a car to take me to another) I would be there every week.
Although this did make me want to vomit in my mouth profusely. I hope to never find a hair (pubic or otherwise) in any of my food stuffs. Grossness. Sorry about that.
Oh dear. And I just stocked up on all sorts of Trader Joe’s goodies.
Oh my! How very disgusting, I could feel a gag coming on as I read your post. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
I wish I had read this before I bought two bags of groceries at TJs. I found my first hair in a container of marinated mozzarella balls. I found the second biting into my former favorite cookie, the chocolate lacy cookie. I threw the rest of the package away. I decided to try my fruit because there is no way hair can get inside fruit. To my dismay after opening my package of white nectarines I found two out of the four were soft all over, one had mold and one was edible. No more for me, I’m going back to my regular grocery store. Doesn’t anyone inspect the products in this place!
I saw this post on the link up at almost all truth – OMIGOSH that is nasty. I will admit to LOVING TJ wine – we buy it by the caseful, but ick on the food. Now that we don’t live near a TJ to shop on a regular basis we now shop at EarthFare – I like it much better – just no $2/$3 Buck Chuck – LOL
I’ll admit to still buying wine there on occasion. Shhh… 😉
Ok I was JUST eating trader joes canned turkey chilli and guess what as I’m spooning another spoon full I see something black and it was a piece of hair,.. Not only hair but it looks like a pubic hair I’m SO disgusted I’m calling first thing in the morning!!!
I found a very very long hair in TJ’s spaghetti .. …and I’m sure it didn’t belong to an angel. I have been recommending their pasta and now I can’t even consider buying it again.
Ugh, I have one more to add to the list. I made my 4th trip to TJ’s and bought a bag of Sesame covered cashews. At the bottom of the bag covered in sesame seeds was a long, straight, blond hair (clearly not mine when I have dark corkscrew curls)! That was indefinitely my last trip. Thank goodness all of the TJ’s are out of my way.
I absolutely love TJ’s products but not after i found a hair inside of the triple ginger cookie thins. It was clearly not my own. I am so disgusted! This is unacceptable!
I too have a hairy story 😦 I opened their frozen shrimp stir fry and a long black hair was keeping some of the vegetables together like a little mobile! So disgusting!!! I will not shop there anymore. I still feel nauseated and didn’t even eat it!!!
I buy the frozen fruit for my smoothie mixes. Was pouring some of the fruit into the blender (I prep them at night), and the cherry got stuck coming out the bag, so I put my finger in the hole that I’d made in the package to pull out the cherry. Well, a cluster of other cherries came out along with a LONG hair that IS NOT MINE! I was pissed. In all the years that I’ve shopped at Trader Joe’s, this is the first time that this has happened, but this is beyond nasty. I agree with the posters, the plant/internal/product inspection better get it together because this is UNACCEPTABLE!
I can deal with almost anything, but NOT hair in my food. This was a FROZEN, SEALED package! Now I’m paranoid about hair being in their other food, especially after reading this article. I don’t like the idea of buying groceries, particularly SEALED items, but having to inspect the food before I eat it.
i just found many white curly hairs embedded in one of my dried pieces of mango from them. i buy from them because it’s hard to find unsweetened mangos and cherries elsewhere… i do prefer my dried fruit hairless though.