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Posts Tagged ‘gay’

 

 

By now you certainly are all well aware of the fact that Disney, in conjunction with Adele Dazeem Idina Menzel and the entire winter season, are conspiring to make your children gay. Most people are choosing to focus on the potentially-gay shopkeeper and the lyrics of the movie’s theme song, “Let it Go,” which could definitely be about accepting your identity as an Ice Queen farting coming out of the closet. Deciding that those were a smoke screen for something far more insidious, I decided to take a closer look. And let me tell you, when you are on a mission to find something that could possibly be perceived as gay, you just might find something that could possibly be perceived as gay. I would like to report my findings here. Shall we start at the beginning? Okay, yes. Let’s.

1. The hetero parents are killed off within the first 10 minutes of the movie, leaving the impressionable daughters to fend off all of The Gayness by themselves. In Europe.  Touché, Gay Agenda. Touché.

2. Everybody is focusing on “Let it Go,” but what of “For the First Time in Forever”?

frozen ballroom(original photo)

Need I say more?

3. When Elsa’s pesky right hand starts acting up and she flees the coronation ball, did you notice that she was wearing just the one white glove?

elsa fleeing(credit)

MJ glove(credit)

Need I say more?

4. Olaf.

Olaf(original photo)

He basically yadda-yadda-yadda’ed The Gay Sex.

Need I say more?

5. Take the word ‘lesbian’ and unscramble it. What words do you see there? I, because I am looking long and hard for these things, see ‘Elsa.’ I see ‘bi.’ I also see ‘An,’ which is maybe what Elsa calls Anna for short. Maybe? Or probably? Let’s go with probably.

Now, this list is not complete. I’ve only seen the movie 3 times. Once it is out on DVD, I plan to watch it daily until I have found every dirty, little gay trick that Disney has managed to sneak into this movie. I will not rest until there is not a single child out there who can enjoy this movie for what Disney claims that it is: a fun musical about strong sisters who love each other unconditionally. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and find a suitable movie for my little, hetero darlings. Hopefully something with the usual violence and misogyny that we, as the moral compasses of this country, have an obligation to force-feed our children. Try as they might, The Gays will not distract me from this mission. The moral sanctity of future generations depends upon it.

kd lang out magazine let it goI have doctored uncovered evidence that Disney’s plot began in the mid-1990s. Sneaky bastards.

 

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Cupcakes are good. I know it, you know it, and my 6-year-old knows it. But, you know what’s better than regular cupcakes? Cupcakes with rainbows and sprinkles. My 6-year-old really, really knows that. This is why her little sugar-grubbing heart was broken when my mom took her to Cupcake Royale last week and they were fresh out of their rainbowgasmic offering, The Gay. She settled for another cupcake, but the rest of the day went a little something like this:

-Averi, are you hungry for dinner?

-I really wish I could have gotten The Gay.

-Averi, should we read a book?

-The Gay had rainbow sprinkles and also a big rainbow on top.

-Bedtime, Averi!

-I think you can eat the rainbow that is on top of The Gay…

You get the point. Since she used the word “gay” about 100 times within a 4-hour span, I thought I should refresh her memory about the meaning of the word. That went a little something like this:

-Do you remember what the word “gay” means?

-No.

-Some people love, and sometimes want to get married to, people who are the same sex as they are. So some boys love boys and some girls love girls.

-(looking accusingly at her baby brother) Well, I want to marry William, but I think he wants to marry you!

So that was how that went. No snickering. No ewwwwwing. No judging.

I think it’s a very, very good idea to let our children know that there are different types of people in this world. I also think it’s a very, very good idea to let our children know that those people are just as awesome as they are. I’m not into the whole I’m-a-better-parent-than-you-because thing, but I feel pretty confident in saying this:

If you choose to model intolerance, you’re sort of failing at The Good Parent Thing.

Let’s do better than that. Let’s raise kids who worry less about who their neighbor loves and more about how to love their neighbor. There are enough assholes in the world. And it’s probably not their fault. Still, I would prefer to share a gay cupcake with somebody who isn’t an asshole. Even if they do want to marry their baby brother.

ImageThe Gay

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