Is there an Analytical Psychologist in the house? Or an Exorcist? Or even just some kind soul who has a few spare Valium left over from their root canal? I have a problem: When I am out and about, driving or walking or just sitting, I’m essentially just biding my time until I discover a dead body. It’s not that I want to discover a dead body, it’s just that I assume I will. I don’t know if I should blame the fact that I live in Oregon, in a city that is part farmland/part high-tech mecca¹ or the fact that I watched a lot of Murder, She Wrote during my formative years², but something or someone is to blame for this disturbing aberration and I’m not quite willing to accept that I am that something or someone.
So my question is, does everybody keep an eye out for corpses during a casual stroll through the woods? Am I the only one who watches breathlessly while a dog is digging in the sand, fully expecting the dog to drag out a dismembered hand/head/penis?
What’s that you say? That it’s perfectly normal to assume that a dead body is waiting around every bend? That all well-adjusted people do it? Oh, good! I was *thisclose* to seeking professional help!³
¹ In other words, the perfect spot to ditch a dead body.
² Alright fine, I still watch Jessica Fletcher any chance I get. The first seven seasons are on Netflix! Holla!
³ I am in no way implying here that you should hold off on sending the spare Valium.