Well, spring has sprung in the Pacific Northwest. How do I know? All of the trees are covered in tiny buds, the Cherry Blossoms (which bloomed early this year) are dropping their pink petals all over Seattle like confetti, and… there’s one Goddamn bird who is choosing to herald in the changing season by peeping all night long. Although I’m sure it’s nothing personal, I feel stalked, harassed and harangued by this bird. What does it want? Who is it peeping at? Is it on amphetamines? Last night, I listened to this bird from 2am until well after 5am. It never stopped. At times it sounded fatigued, frustrated, possibly even irritated with itself. But the peeping never ceased.
At first I assumed that the bird was looking for a mate in all the wrong places, like the loud, drunk guy at every wedding. “If I just keep talking, eventually I’ll wear somebody down.” But then the peeping became more distressed. I started to wonder if the bird was protecting its eggs from an overzealous squirrel. Lord knows there are plenty of those around! But as the night wore on, the chirping became frantic. I began to wonder if this bird had a message that it needed to share. Perhaps it had just returned from its trip down south and it needed to tell us what is up down there: “Peep! I’ve been to California! Chirp, chirp, chirp! Arnold Schwarzenegger in the governor of California! Peeeppp! We need to do something!”
Hey, anything’s possible at 4am. I wish I’d paid more attention in 8th grade Science because I have a few questions: Do birds sleep? Do birds have an intense desire to bear their souls? Do birds drink alcohol? Is Tourette’s Syndrome prevalent in the bird populations of NW Washington? Can a bird be prosecuted for disturbing the peace? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. Do you?