I’m confused. How in the name of Greg/Sam, Anthony, Murray, and Jeff has my child been exposed to the likes of Raffi without my consent or knowledge? Prior to this week I was vaguely aware of Raffi’s existence but did not know anything about him. I had heard of the song, “Baby Beluga” but did not know the tune nor did I care to. Imagine my surprise when my kid picks up a Raffi concert DVD at the library and says, “Let’s get this ‘Waffy’ movie, Mom!”. I added it to our pile of goods and didn’t think much of it until last night when she asked to watch it. I put the DVD on and went back to my magazine. Sweet Jesus! What the hell is going on here? I can appreciate that the music is positive and soothing but all of the children in the crowd seem to be drugged and why in God’s name are they all wearing pinafores and/or suspenders? Is this the 1980s or the 1880s?
I decided to do some research. Okay fine, I Googled him while eating an english muffin… He appears to be a doe-eyed Armenian man with a penchant for using a banana as a telephone. And the kids eat it up with a spoon! I had seen his picture before but I think I had mistaken him for the prop comic Gallagher. Without the hair, there is a resemblance. And I think they both wear black, pleated pants. So in that way, he also resembles Paula Poundstone. Which would be Strike Two for Raffi. If anybody’s keeping track, the Banana Phone was Strike One.
So, I still don’t know how the hell my daughter knew about Raffi if I didn’t. We spend all of our time together and she only started Preschool last week. My sister suggested that there may have been some playground peer pressure at work and that Raffi is only the beginning. That terrifies me. If Raffi is the gateway drug to Hannah Montana, please bogart that Banana Phone. If you see me or mine on the playground, don’t pass it over to us. We don’t want a hit.