I went out and about today to run a few errands and got to catch a little glimpse of how the masses were spending their holiday weekend. It seems that many of them were drinking heavily and then operating vehicles on all of the roads where I chose to drive. True, not everybody was drinking and driving. Some were stumbling along the sidewalks, hooting and hollering.
And all this time I thought Labor Day was a special holiday set aside to celebrate the achievements of workers in this great nation of ours. I guess I didn’t realize that’s not what it’s about at all. As it all turns out, L.A.B.O.R. D.A.Y. is an acronym meaning Let’s All Be Obnoxious Revelers! Drink And Yell! Can somebody please explain what sets this apart from some of the other American holidays, like N.E.W. Y.E.A.R.S. E.V.E. (Never Enough Whiskey! Yell Endlessly And Regret Sex! Everyone Vomits Eventually!)? Or J.U.L.Y. F.O.U.R.T.H. (Jägermeister Usually Looks Yummy! Fall Over Urinating Right There, Honey!)? Somebody cue The Star Spangled Banner. Where’s my flag?