No Sheryl, No Cry

Spring has sprung in the Portland area. Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, inexplicably pale people are sneezing and the “summer music” is back. It’s inescapable: blaring from the grocery store sound system, oozing from the speakers at the coffee shops and blasting from the radios of neighboring cars at stoplights, and, finally, making its final descent, back into the part of my brain where really bad music lives during the off-season (May-early September)…

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Scary Spices

I love grocery shopping. By myself. So this morning I dropped my daughter off at preschool and ran down to the grocery store for a few things. As I was perusing the bulk grains I suddenly realized that The Spice Girls were playing over the PA system…

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Bridge To Nowhere

This is an oldie but I thought I would share. I penned this tune on the day that Sarah Palin announced that she would be stepping down from her post as Alaska’s governor. Unfortunately it was prior to the speech where she likened herself to a fish. I would have included that as well. Alas, we cannot rewrite history. Trust me, I’ve tried…

(The song is meant to be sung to the tune of Road to Nowhere by Talking Heads. If you don’t, it makes a lot less sense.)

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Heart Shaped Take-Out Box

Sometimes while I’m perusing Thai menus I play a secret game in my head: If I had a band and I had to name the band after one dish on the menu, which dish would I choose? (Yep, my life is a non-stop party. But I digress…)

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WWTCWAD

Two things that are true about me: 1. I love music and 2. I tend to doubt most things that people tell me. These two things are generally unrelated but did come tragically to a head one day last year when I decided to get my car washed. As I approached the front of the line the attendant motioned for me to lower my antenna. I rolled down my window and explained to him that the power feature of the antenna had long since stopped working and that I would prefer to just leave it up if it was all the same to him…

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Peachy

I’m cheap. I’m poor. I love a bargain. While many people throw their Tuesday junk mail, full of supermarket Weekly Special ads, into the recycling without a second thought, I scour the said “junk mail” to plan my upcoming grocery shopping needs. It was there that I learned of the “10 pounds for $10″ sale on organic peaches that QFC promised would begin the following day…

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Song of the Week

I have the very unfortunate problem of getting very unfortunate songs stuck in my head for very long periods of time. It’s unfortunate. Very. Sometimes it’s a jingle from a TV commercial or a song from one of my daughter’s Wiggles DVDs, other times a theme song from a long-since canceled sitcom (“Empty Nest”, anyone?). This week it’s Phil Collins’ 1985 classic, “Sussudio”.

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An Open Letter to Oprah

You did something in the Fall of 1998 that you regret. You wish that you could take it back but you can’t. Lord knows I’ve been standing in those size 10s myself, Oprah… You made the unthinkable decision to record your own theme song. It was called “Run On”. It was awful. It was hideous…

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